Urine Trouble
Great! Thank you. I want to modify some of this outline for you, and i want you to elaborate on some aspects in order to flesh out certain aspects of this outline further. I’ll put in brackets what my requests are for modifications and elaboration/fleshing out:
I. Introduction
• [first let me say up front that in considering all of this here below—while I would like you to flesh out the parts I’ve added between brackets, I want everything here below —in between brackets as well as not— to adhere as closely as possible to all of what is here below so far, in terms of sequence and in terms of ideas, or,as closely as you feel is possible while trying to solve the things/offer suggestions, ideas, and solutions for the things throughout that I’ll be asking you to suggest ideas for. Also, in providing your help to me here, I’d also really like it if you can keep in mind that at the start of the story, the group of popular dogs appears to be or sounds like a positive force in the neighborhood. Maybe they aren’t even characterized as “the popular dogs” even if that’s how I’ll refer to them time and again below. Even while I’ll speak in terms of popular, non-popular, and unpopular, let’s keep in mind that this next draft of the story outline won’t characterize them in such obvious terms. Once the story reaches the point (see all of the below) where our mc approaches the popular dogs and is given a “pledge task” that seems a little frightening or sketchy enough to raise eyebrows, then the true colors of the popular/non-popular/unpopular dynamics really begin to start showing. Until then, only a few little hints in the general behaviors and interactions among the dogs, and things like the sad pee emoji that is then declared a mistake or typo by the “pee-er”]
• [A dog neighborhood, where it’s established that all Communicate is heavily influenced through a pee message system that’s a social peedia platform:]
• [pee messages manifesting as social media pop-ups, like voicemails that a dog can play by sniffing forward and rewind by sniffing back in the other direction (starts smelling pee, and as the dog uses his or her nose to sniff the pee area in one direction, a written message comes up in a popup balloon and a “voicemail” from another dog starts to play the words of the written message aloud, and when the dog feels the need to replay part of the message, the dog moves its nose back over the pee in the opposite direction and as this happens we hear the message we’ve just heard, but now playing backwards like hearing a recording in reverse and how funny that can sound.)]
• [Buttons like likes, hahas, and so on, as well as follow-up pee comments on a pee message that’s a “post” can reveal nastiness of the dynamic going on among the dogs in the neighborhood]
• [Also dogs hit (or “pee”) buttons like heart or sad emojis can reveal hint that not all dogs, or maybe any dogs, are happy with the dynamic but are worried to say anything. Maybe sad emoji but when dog who used sad emoji is called out about it by other dogs, dog who used sad emoji claims he hit the wrong emoji button (peed the wrong emoji, rather)]
• [A new dog, our main character (or “mc”, for short), wants to make friends in the neighborhood but finds it difficult, and doesn’t know why everyone is mean and difficult to befriend—most dogs have something of a mean edge to them, talking down about all other non-popular dogs and making all other non-popular dogs seem horrible friends choices and especially most unpopular dog but none of the other non-popular dogs will say much about him or what it is about him— their talk just builds up that he’s very very bad and unpleasant and maybe scary. One of the non-popular dogs— the last in a line of dogs behind fences in yards is an old sheep dog — we don’t get to find out what this older wiser sheepish dogs response would have been to mc’s attempts to befriend him, because he suddenly hears “Not havin’ much luck there, kiddo?”]
• [ And, we need something here that happens between the mc and the popular dogs, or one popular dog who does something here in a seemingly good way that leaves an impression on the mc and the story audience that seems to represent to them the allegedly good nature of the popular dogs group as a whole— the idea that the popular dogs are allegedly a force for good. Something that establishes an initial belief that the popular dogs are the force for good in the neighborhood. This will help to answer this question: is there any indication of how the popular dogs are popular, meaning, in what ways, and for what reasons, related to the world of dogs, can we show they are popular? Maybe what happens is mc has a close call with the dog’s most unpopular, scariest dog who also leaves all sorts of crazy pee and poop messages everywhere— a popular dog saves mc and explains that that most unpopular scariest dog is the source of all the neighborhood problems and that this dog has something to do with having to be careful /wary of outsiders which is why the popular dog group is so selective and exclusive. So maybe this is the introduction to this unpopular scariest dog (see the part about him further down below, the “Chaos…” thing. Maybe this replaces that or is related to that and is the first seed of that). And maybe the popular dog explains that trust is difficult because this unpopular scariest dog leaves crazy poop and pee messages everywhere that purposely makes reading other dog’s poop and pee messages difficult, so they can’t know true intentions these days and have to be very careful about who to trust and therefore who to let into the popular group. Something like that, but it has to fit with all the rest here. Can you help with that?]
• [the question is from another non-popular dog (Tour Dog, let’s call him) who is about to explain to our mc that within this “social peedia” system there’s lots of room for mix-ups—initially shown in a comical way— because sometimes pee and poop messages aren’t 100% accurate, and there are the pee and poop message equivalent of typos. Mc looks upon tour dog as tour dog approaches, and then looks back to sheepish older wiser dog and with mouth open mc starts to point to sheepish older wiser dog, saying to tour dog: “Well I was just about to —“ Tour dog says, “Pinning your hopes on him?? Trust me you won’t get anywhere with that sheepish old sheep dog. He’s the worst of all, just a total follower…” Tour dog moves mc along, prodding mc to take a walk with him, leaning in close and saying out the corner of his mouth, “…And kinda missing a few marbles upstairs at this point if ya know what I’m sayin” they walk a few more steps and mc follows, but looking back over his shoulder to see the old sheepish dog watching them go, with a glare in his eyes that borders on frightening. Tour dog asks mc , “How old are ya, kid?” Our mc says six months or whatever is Within puppy age range and tour dog showing him around says “ Oh you’re just a pup then ain’t ya! Look. If you wanna make friends here, You gotta learn to read the room! See the pee writing on the wall!” Mc asks, “The pee writing on the wall?” Tour dog: “Well, so to speak—I take it you’ve got a lot to learn about —“ mc: “…about what?” Tour dog: “Well, about pee messages pee mail, social peedia and all that.” Tour dog says it’s 100% accurate, but maybe as he’s talking about how great a system it is and explaining how it all works and how it’s 100% accurate, our mc takes a few sniffs, getting a whiff of something in the air, looks offscreen to his right and then back to tour dog, and is shyly and worriedly trying to interject that he thinks maybe a dog nearby who just wrote (something—please fill in what makes sense) in that message right over there might have meant (something else—please fill in what makes sense), and even as tour dog poo-poos our mc’s observation, insisting the social peedia system is 100% perfect, we see that this “pee typo” or “pee autocorrect” our mc was trying to point out proceeding to cause a hilarious misunderstanding between two or a few other dogs and ensuing problem and commotion breaking out in the background as our mc and tour dog showing him around continue on in their neighborhood tour. One dog can be heard insisting “but that’s not what i meant to pee!” And the other barking back: “yeah right!” Tour dog continuing on tour of neighborhood with our mc says “Okay maybe not 100% but it’s what we got, kid.” Tour dog showing our mc around says as they continue on. And please note, the dog showing our mc around doesn’t do the showing around to be nice but rather, it’s apparent from his demeanor and dialogue that at least secretly the motivation of this dog showing our mc around is to get some face time walking past the popular dogs and getting seen by them while he’s talking highly about them and so on]
• [and one of the popular dogs they pass especially takes notice— we should make mention of this because he’ll become especially important to the story in a moment or two]
• [misunderstanding and problems caused by pee typo or pee autocorrect is ongoing in background as tour dog and our mc continue their walk and talk]
• [tour dog explains to our mc that there is a popular click of dogs and it's hard to get into their click. “Why does no one want to be friends?” Tour dog explains what our mc has already gotten “a whiff “ of in trying to make friends and only encountering unfriendliness before even meeting the tour dog— that all the dogs in the neighborhood are either already in the popular click or are available-but-unavailable because they want to be part of the popular click, and because the popular click doesn't like outsiders, even while the available-but-unavailable dogs are outsiders to the popular clique themselves, they don’t want to like anyone who’s not in the popular Click for the fact that anyone not in the popular Click is an outsider to the popular Click because they want the popular Click to like them so they can be part of the popular click. Actually though, this is connected to the problem stated below about how we need something that walks a fine line and doesn’t do too much yet to reveal what the real problem is yet— something that allows the mc, the neighborhood dogs, and the story’s audience to still believe for now that the popular dogs are a force for good in the neighborhood and not the cause of the dynamic stated directly above. So what do we do here to walk that fine line?]
• [misunderstanding and problem caused by pee typo or pee autocorrect is still ongoing in background as tour dog and our mc continue their walk and talk, confusion and chaos building, causing more problems, now drawing in other neighborhood dogs so confusion is growing and leaving a path of mild but noticeable destruction]
• [tour dog “ Don’t try to make sense of it kid—you think a little typo like that causes a problem? Let me show you the crowning jewel of today’s tour. (Or, what’s a good thing for crowning jewel but when it’s about something considered the lowest of the low?) the REAL problem that causes all the other problems “ a shot here of a fence to a backyard and snarling and more cartoony odor lines rising up from behind the fence than anywhere else in the neighborhood— odor lines all crisscrossed and intermingled into the visual representation of confusion and mixed messages, maybe manifesting in messy garbled word bubbles. “Who is he?” Our mc asks. Tour dog says “…chaos…” with widening eyes. Mc’s eyes widen too.
(Or, maybe instead of chaos, let’s think of a good name for a dog with a reputation for sowing chaos)
• [misunderstanding and problem caused by pee typo or pee autocorrect is still ongoing in background as tour dog and our mc continue their walk and talk, confusion and chaos building, causing more problems, now drawing in other neighborhood dogs so confusion is growing and leaving a path of mild but noticeable destruction—but after our mc takes a moment to stand staring agape at the ominous sight of the fenced-in yard of “chaos”, or whatever we decide to call the neighborhood’s most unpopular dog, meaning, after the story pauses a beat or two for this moment, mc snaps out of it and shakes it off upon becoming aware of the commotion caused by the pee typo or pee autocorrect misunderstanding that has followed them and grown into a bigger commotion all the while.
• [“YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF SHEEP!” A voice says, interrupting the big commotion from the misunderstanding. It’s the sheep dog, who is standing among his fellow non-popular dogs. Tour dog to mc out of corner of mouth: “talk about the pot calling the kettle black!” And then shouting to the sheep dog “You’re really lost your marbles, old feller!”
Sheep dog: “old enough! I’ve been around, you know??” Sheep dog is talking about the true source of this big misunderstanding that has caused this commotion.
Something’s needed here—but I don’t know what, and would like your help with it—about the idea that while the sheep dog is finally running his mouth about what he really thinks. We need it that what he says points to the truth, but also doesn’t reveal all. I want it that , whatever it is he says, while it indicates something not being acknowledged or addressed is the true problem in the neighborhood, we don’t know yet the true the dynamic or what it has to do with the popular dogs. And we don’t want the mc, the other popular dogs in the neighborhood, or the story’s audience to be led to believe from what sheep dog says here that the popular dogs are the ones responsibility for the problematic dynamic in the neighborhood. Maybe whatever sheep dog says here, it’s just enough to hint at the real underlying problem but even with that hint. for right now we want them all to still at least want to believe what they thought they did believe about the popular dogs— that the popular dogs are a force for good in the neighborhood. What do we do to walk that fine line and make it that way at this point in the story? And also, deciding how to do this probably partly depends on (see above) what we do earlier on (what we have one of or some or all the popular dogs do) that makes mc, non-popular dogs, and story audience believe the popular dogs are a force for good in the neighborhood to begin with? Can you help with these things?
Some ideas to consider in finding me solutions to those things: As sheep dog is saying all this, whatever it is exactly, in the background a human family—his owners— are packing up a car and moving truck. Tour dog says sheep dog crazy and old and sheep dog says “I’m not crazy -but I’m old… and even though I’m also chicken, I’m leaving, is the thing. So I can speak my mind” On the other hand, maybe it isn’t a good story idea that the sheep dog gets to explain why he’s saying what he’s saying, given how it seems to strongly reveal At too early a point that the popular dogs are the ones perpetuating a destructive social dynamic. As much as we want what sheep dog says to possibly raise an eyebrow, we don’t want it to raise *too* much of an eyebrow just yet—we don’t want it to seem *too* much yet like what he says makes it definite the popular dogs are actually causing a problematic dynamic in the neighborhood. At this point in the story We want the mc, the non-popular neighborhood dogs, and the story’s audience to still believe or at least still *want* to believe the popular dogs are the force for good in the neighborhood the popular dogs hope to be seen as being. Or at least we want the Can you help me solve this? Meaning, help me decide how to walk this line by factoring in what makes people (well, here it’s dogs) want to believe a group of others is a force for good.
Two details I want to include toward the end of this scene with the sheep dog —first: while the scene plays out with the dogs and their English dialogue, as it is with the other scenes throughout the story, i want it that at one point during the interaction between the dogs when things get very heated in their English dialogue, the scene cuts to the human view of the situation which is a bunch of neighborhood dogs just barking at each other and out of control. This can be comical in showing the contrast between the English-speaking that’s strictly a device for enabling the story audience’s understanding of the dogs’ communications, but also it’s a moment in which the dogs are all getting too worked up by what they’re hearing from the sheep dog because of how the sheep dog is “rocking the boat” so to speak, and so the human owners —the family who are sheep dog’s owners— is trying to pull the worked-up sheep dog away from the other dogs using the sheep dog’s leash, but ultimately one of the humans has to pick up the sheep dog and carry him away to put him in the back seat of the family car. So amid all this dog arguing, we cut to the dogs all just barking at one another, the family trying to subdue the sheep dog with a leash, and then a family member carrying the sheep dog off and toward the cat, holding the worked up sheep dog awkwardly because the sheep dog is so wound up, and making it so in the human family member’s arms the sheep is tummy-up— as he is carried away while he barks at the other dogs —his tummy is facing skyward. Second: as the sheep dog is being carried off by one of his owners, meaning, one of the members of the family who owns him and who have even packing up their moving truck and car in the background of the scene, as the sheep dog being carried off to be put in the back of the family car, he’s saying his parting words, whatever those might be (which depends on story decisions that take into account all of the above), and he’s also being carried in such a way that he’s tummy-up and he lets out an arc of pee as he’s ranting and being carried to the car. This is both comical and also it will turn out a little later in the story that in peeing during this comical scene, he’s left a pee message that is key to how the mc’s understanding and perspective will ultimately shift.]
• [our mc straightens it out by going back to the pee message, and all neighborhood dogs involved in the misunderstanding and problem following him back there as he takes a closer sniff— mc sniffs forwards and the words in the pop up word bubble hovering above the pee spot play aloud; mc needs to go backward in the message to hear something again, so sniffs back in the other direction and the message’s words play backwards as he does so— like the way a recording playing in reverse sounds—and forwards and backwards the mc sniffs until he homes in on a specific word or phrase in the pee message other than the pee typo or pee autocorrect that reveals proof in the message as to the fact that the allegedly inflammatory part of the social peedia pee message pee typo or pee autocorrect was indeed just that— a mistake- and that in the mc’s revealing of the message’s intended meaning, it’s clear that there was no need to fight. Mc or dog who left message with pee typo /pee autocorrect that caused misunderstanding fixes it with little extra tinkle.]
• [all the dogs who witness this are visibly impressed, forgetting themselves until they notice that witnessing all this right along with them is a dog from the popular clique comes along—the dog from the popular clique who especially took notice when tour dog and mc passed the popular dogs earlier in their tour and conversation. Then the rest of the neighborhood dogs—the ones not in popular click— remember they shouldn’t show too much approval of any dog who’s not part of the popular clique.]
• [ even though whatever it is the sheep said as he was being carried off isn’t enough to swing the belief entirely of the mc, the non-popular dogs, and the story’s audience, there are indications in things the non-popular dogs say and do that suggest there’s now there just the smallest new seed of doubt among the non-popular dogs. the popular dog that tour dog and mc passed earlier, the one they passed who especially took notice, notices this, and is thoughtfully observing this new development involving the mc’s insight and ability to read pee and poop messages more clearly and clear up the misunderstanding that caused the big commotion]
• mc learns from the tour dog or the tour dog and the other unpopular dogs (whatever makes the most sense) that to get into the popular click, one has to pledge.
• [(but let’s find another term maybe, but something reminiscent of evocative of fraternity pledging but dog-related?). ]
• [“Well when can I pledge? What do you have to do to?” Are the questions our main character (mc) dog is asking.
• [“They decide the time, I’m hoping mine’s next week.” And, “ANYTHING they WANT” is tour dog’s answer to “what do you have to do”]
• [if mc learns this from one or a few available-but-unavailable dogs willing to fill mc in about the need to pledge, whatever they tell him about the pledge process is done to try to score popularity points witht he popular dogs by talking about it in a way that would please the popular dogs, especially if any the popular dogs are within earshot]
II. Pledging
• mc approaches the popular dogs to pledge.
• the popular dogs are in the middle of a heated discussion about the fact that they are the force for good and the strength of their group relies on everyone understand that they are there to protect the neighborhood from the chaos and confusion the unpopular scariest dog sows with his crazy unintelligible pee and poop messages]
• [how exactly are the pee and poop messages of the unpopular dog causing the chaos and confusion, and what exactly are the popular dogs claiming about it—is it just that the accusation is the unpopular scariest dog is deliberately leaving pee and poop message to sow chaos and confusion that somehow pits the dogs against one another.? Or is there something more? And the claim of the popular dogs is that their group of carefully selected dogs is the key to maintaining order and peace throughout the neighborhood.]
• [can we develop something more about why and how—according to the claims of the popular dogs—the most unpopular dog’s sowing chaos with his big confusion of pee and poop message—what does the popular dog clique claim the unpopular dog’s motivation is?
• maybe at first the popular dogs tell him “no room for new dogs in our group” but then the popular dog who especially took notice earlier steps in and says abou mc, “maybe he can help us” and explains how mc can read pee and pop messages better than other dogs, tells them what happened with the commotion situation and how mc resolved it by “reading between the lines” of the pee messages. decides to let the new dog pledge.
The popular dogs tell mc they need proof that there’s evil malicious intent in the pee and poop messages of the unpopular scariest dog, and that mc can join their group if he gets proof.]
The popular dogs point to something about the mixed messages within the pee and poop messages of the unpopular scariest dog in order to impose their own interpretation upon those pee and poop messages, it’s something that allows them to make the unpopular dog the bad guy of the neighborhood and maybe the source of all problems between all other dogs in the neighborhood who aren’t part of the popular dog click. And somehow the way all this shakes out is that all this somehow results in a misplaced belief that the only answer to the problems between all the neighborhood dogs, which all are alleged to all be rooted within the “villainy” of this dog who’s the most unpopular because of the message the popular dogs claim is within the unpopular dog’s huge confusion of pee and poop, is to try and join the popular dogs. But the popular dogs also say their clique is necessarily exclusive, claiming the reason to be that the unpopular dog has poisoned all the other dogs in the neighborhood against one another with his big confusion of poop and pee they say is meant to sow chaos.]
IV. The Pledge Task
• [The mc goes and finds it a scary situation with unpopular scariest dog, but then something among how all this works with the pee and poop messages and the English-speaking, and the sheep dog who comically left ruin while being carried away ranting and raving, and what the truth is about the unpopular scariest dog that maybe reveals his confusion of pee and poop messages everywhere has to do with being scared and needing a friend, there’s some realization and resolution. How does this work, can you help me with this part too? Note that part of what’s revealed here is that no one is friends in the neighborhood because they’re all afraid of being alone because of the popular group dynamic, basically meaning because everyone’s afraid of being alone, everyone ends up alone. So what the mc does, and realizes about the most unpopular scariest dog is that his poop and pee messages mean he’s afraid and needs a friend. And this somehow results in the other dogs of the neighborhood making friends with one another, and revealing the popular dogs don’t actually feel they have real friends either because of the popular dogs’ dynamic that affects the whole neighborhood and themselves too, and the popular dogs end up being friends with everyone also.]
Great! Thank you. I want to modify some of this outline for you, and i want you to elaborate on some aspects in order to flesh out certain aspects of this outline further. I’ll put in brackets what my requests are for modifications and elaboration/fleshing out:
I. Introduction
• [first let me say up front that in considering all of this here below—while I would like you to flesh out the parts I’ve added between brackets, I want everything here below —in between brackets as well as not— to adhere as closely as possible to all of what is here below so far, in terms of sequence and in terms of ideas, or,as closely as you feel is possible while trying to solve the things/offer suggestions, ideas, and solutions for the things throughout that I’ll be asking you to suggest ideas for. Also, in providing your help to me here, I’d also really like it if you can keep in mind that at the start of the story, the group of popular dogs appears to be or sounds like a positive force in the neighborhood. Maybe they aren’t even characterized as “the popular dogs” even if that’s how I’ll refer to them time and again below. Even while I’ll speak in terms of popular, non-popular, and unpopular, let’s keep in mind that this next draft of the story outline won’t characterize them in such obvious terms. Once the story reaches the point (see all of the below) where our mc approaches the popular dogs and is given a “pledge task” that seems a little frightening or sketchy enough to raise eyebrows, then the true colors of the popular/non-popular/unpopular dynamics really begin to start showing. Until then, only a few little hints in the general behaviors and interactions among the dogs, and things like the sad pee emoji that is then declared a mistake or typo by the “pee-er”]
• [A dog neighborhood, where it’s established that all Communicate is heavily influenced through a pee message system that’s a social peedia platform:]
• [pee messages manifesting as social media pop-ups, like voicemails that a dog can play by sniffing forward and rewind by sniffing back in the other direction (starts smelling pee, and as the dog uses his or her nose to sniff the pee area in one direction, a written message comes up in a popup balloon and a “voicemail” from another dog starts to play the words of the written message aloud, and when the dog feels the need to replay part of the message, the dog moves its nose back over the pee in the opposite direction and as this happens we hear the message we’ve just heard, but now playing backwards like hearing a recording in reverse and how funny that can sound.)]
• [Buttons like likes, hahas, and so on, as well as follow-up pee comments on a pee message that’s a “post” can reveal nastiness of the dynamic going on among the dogs in the neighborhood]
• [Also dogs hit (or “pee”) buttons like heart or sad emojis can reveal hint that not all dogs, or maybe any dogs, are happy with the dynamic but are worried to say anything. Maybe sad emoji but when dog who used sad emoji is called out about it by other dogs, dog who used sad emoji claims he hit the wrong emoji button (peed the wrong emoji, rather)]
• [A new dog, our main character (or “mc”, for short), wants to make friends in the neighborhood but finds it difficult, and doesn’t know why everyone is mean and difficult to befriend—most dogs have something of a mean edge to them, talking down about all other non-popular dogs and making all other non-popular dogs seem horrible friends choices and especially most unpopular dog but none of the other non-popular dogs will say much about him or what it is about him— their talk just builds up that he’s very very bad and unpleasant and maybe scary. One of the non-popular dogs— the last in a line of dogs behind fences in yards is an old sheep dog — we don’t get to find out what this older wiser sheepish dogs response would have been to mc’s attempts to befriend him, because he suddenly hears “Not havin’ much luck there, kiddo?”]
• [ And, we need something here that happens between the mc and the popular dogs, or one popular dog who does something here in a seemingly good way that leaves an impression on the mc and the story audience that seems to represent to them the allegedly good nature of the popular dogs group as a whole— the idea that the popular dogs are allegedly a force for good. Something that establishes an initial belief that the popular dogs are the force for good in the neighborhood. This will help to answer this question: is there any indication of how the popular dogs are popular, meaning, in what ways, and for what reasons, related to the world of dogs, can we show they are popular? Maybe what happens is mc has a close call with the dog’s most unpopular, scariest dog who also leaves all sorts of crazy pee and poop messages everywhere— a popular dog saves mc and explains that that most unpopular scariest dog is the source of all the neighborhood problems and that this dog has something to do with having to be careful /wary of outsiders which is why the popular dog group is so selective and exclusive. So maybe this is the introduction to this unpopular scariest dog (see the part about him further down below, the “Chaos…” thing. Maybe this replaces that or is related to that and is the first seed of that). And maybe the popular dog explains that trust is difficult because this unpopular scariest dog leaves crazy poop and pee messages everywhere that purposely makes reading other dog’s poop and pee messages difficult, so they can’t know true intentions these days and have to be very careful about who to trust and therefore who to let into the popular group. Something like that, but it has to fit with all the rest here. Can you help with that?]
• [the question is from another non-popular dog (Tour Dog, let’s call him) who is about to explain to our mc that within this “social peedia” system there’s lots of room for mix-ups—initially shown in a comical way— because sometimes pee and poop messages aren’t 100% accurate, and there are the pee and poop message equivalent of typos. Mc looks upon tour dog as tour dog approaches, and then looks back to sheepish older wiser dog and with mouth open mc starts to point to sheepish older wiser dog, saying to tour dog: “Well I was just about to —“ Tour dog says, “Pinning your hopes on him?? Trust me you won’t get anywhere with that sheepish old sheep dog. He’s the worst of all, just a total follower…” Tour dog moves mc along, prodding mc to take a walk with him, leaning in close and saying out the corner of his mouth, “…And kinda missing a few marbles upstairs at this point if ya know what I’m sayin” they walk a few more steps and mc follows, but looking back over his shoulder to see the old sheepish dog watching them go, with a glare in his eyes that borders on frightening. Tour dog asks mc , “How old are ya, kid?” Our mc says six months or whatever is Within puppy age range and tour dog showing him around says “ Oh you’re just a pup then ain’t ya! Look. If you wanna make friends here, You gotta learn to read the room! See the pee writing on the wall!” Mc asks, “The pee writing on the wall?” Tour dog: “Well, so to speak—I take it you’ve got a lot to learn about —“ mc: “…about what?” Tour dog: “Well, about pee messages pee mail, social peedia and all that.” Tour dog says it’s 100% accurate, but maybe as he’s talking about how great a system it is and explaining how it all works and how it’s 100% accurate, our mc takes a few sniffs, getting a whiff of something in the air, looks offscreen to his right and then back to tour dog, and is shyly and worriedly trying to interject that he thinks maybe a dog nearby who just wrote (something—please fill in what makes sense) in that message right over there might have meant (something else—please fill in what makes sense), and even as tour dog poo-poos our mc’s observation, insisting the social peedia system is 100% perfect, we see that this “pee typo” or “pee autocorrect” our mc was trying to point out proceeding to cause a hilarious misunderstanding between two or a few other dogs and ensuing problem and commotion breaking out in the background as our mc and tour dog showing him around continue on in their neighborhood tour. One dog can be heard insisting “but that’s not what i meant to pee!” And the other barking back: “yeah right!” Tour dog continuing on tour of neighborhood with our mc says “Okay maybe not 100% but it’s what we got, kid.” Tour dog showing our mc around says as they continue on. And please note, the dog showing our mc around doesn’t do the showing around to be nice but rather, it’s apparent from his demeanor and dialogue that at least secretly the motivation of this dog showing our mc around is to get some face time walking past the popular dogs and getting seen by them while he’s talking highly about them and so on]
• [and one of the popular dogs they pass especially takes notice— we should make mention of this because he’ll become especially important to the story in a moment or two]
• [misunderstanding and problems caused by pee typo or pee autocorrect is ongoing in background as tour dog and our mc continue their walk and talk]
• [tour dog explains to our mc that there is a popular click of dogs and it's hard to get into their click. “Why does no one want to be friends?” Tour dog explains what our mc has already gotten “a whiff “ of in trying to make friends and only encountering unfriendliness before even meeting the tour dog— that all the dogs in the neighborhood are either already in the popular click or are available-but-unavailable because they want to be part of the popular click, and because the popular click doesn't like outsiders, even while the available-but-unavailable dogs are outsiders to the popular clique themselves, they don’t want to like anyone who’s not in the popular Click for the fact that anyone not in the popular Click is an outsider to the popular Click because they want the popular Click to like them so they can be part of the popular click. Actually though, this is connected to the problem stated below about how we need something that walks a fine line and doesn’t do too much yet to reveal what the real problem is yet— something that allows the mc, the neighborhood dogs, and the story’s audience to still believe for now that the popular dogs are a force for good in the neighborhood and not the cause of the dynamic stated directly above. So what do we do here to walk that fine line?]
• [misunderstanding and problem caused by pee typo or pee autocorrect is still ongoing in background as tour dog and our mc continue their walk and talk, confusion and chaos building, causing more problems, now drawing in other neighborhood dogs so confusion is growing and leaving a path of mild but noticeable destruction]
• [tour dog “ Don’t try to make sense of it kid—you think a little typo like that causes a problem? Let me show you the crowning jewel of today’s tour. (Or, what’s a good thing for crowning jewel but when it’s about something considered the lowest of the low?) the REAL problem that causes all the other problems “ a shot here of a fence to a backyard and snarling and more cartoony odor lines rising up from behind the fence than anywhere else in the neighborhood— odor lines all crisscrossed and intermingled into the visual representation of confusion and mixed messages, maybe manifesting in messy garbled word bubbles. “Who is he?” Our mc asks. Tour dog says “…chaos…” with widening eyes. Mc’s eyes widen too.
(Or, maybe instead of chaos, let’s think of a good name for a dog with a reputation for sowing chaos)
• [misunderstanding and problem caused by pee typo or pee autocorrect is still ongoing in background as tour dog and our mc continue their walk and talk, confusion and chaos building, causing more problems, now drawing in other neighborhood dogs so confusion is growing and leaving a path of mild but noticeable destruction—but after our mc takes a moment to stand staring agape at the ominous sight of the fenced-in yard of “chaos”, or whatever we decide to call the neighborhood’s most unpopular dog, meaning, after the story pauses a beat or two for this moment, mc snaps out of it and shakes it off upon becoming aware of the commotion caused by the pee typo or pee autocorrect misunderstanding that has followed them and grown into a bigger commotion all the while.
• [“YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF SHEEP!” A voice says, interrupting the big commotion from the misunderstanding. It’s the sheep dog, who is standing among his fellow non-popular dogs. Tour dog to mc out of corner of mouth: “talk about the pot calling the kettle black!” And then shouting to the sheep dog “You’re really lost your marbles, old feller!”
Sheep dog: “old enough! I’ve been around, you know??” Sheep dog is talking about the true source of this big misunderstanding that has caused this commotion.
Something’s needed here—but I don’t know what, and would like your help with it—about the idea that while the sheep dog is finally running his mouth about what he really thinks. We need it that what he says points to the truth, but also doesn’t reveal all. I want it that , whatever it is he says, while it indicates something not being acknowledged or addressed is the true problem in the neighborhood, we don’t know yet the true the dynamic or what it has to do with the popular dogs. And we don’t want the mc, the other popular dogs in the neighborhood, or the story’s audience to be led to believe from what sheep dog says here that the popular dogs are the ones responsibility for the problematic dynamic in the neighborhood. Maybe whatever sheep dog says here, it’s just enough to hint at the real underlying problem but even with that hint. for right now we want them all to still at least want to believe what they thought they did believe about the popular dogs— that the popular dogs are a force for good in the neighborhood. What do we do to walk that fine line and make it that way at this point in the story? And also, deciding how to do this probably partly depends on (see above) what we do earlier on (what we have one of or some or all the popular dogs do) that makes mc, non-popular dogs, and story audience believe the popular dogs are a force for good in the neighborhood to begin with? Can you help with these things?
Some ideas to consider in finding me solutions to those things: As sheep dog is saying all this, whatever it is exactly, in the background a human family—his owners— are packing up a car and moving truck. Tour dog says sheep dog crazy and old and sheep dog says “I’m not crazy -but I’m old… and even though I’m also chicken, I’m leaving, is the thing. So I can speak my mind” On the other hand, maybe it isn’t a good story idea that the sheep dog gets to explain why he’s saying what he’s saying, given how it seems to strongly reveal At too early a point that the popular dogs are the ones perpetuating a destructive social dynamic. As much as we want what sheep dog says to possibly raise an eyebrow, we don’t want it to raise *too* much of an eyebrow just yet—we don’t want it to seem *too* much yet like what he says makes it definite the popular dogs are actually causing a problematic dynamic in the neighborhood. At this point in the story We want the mc, the non-popular neighborhood dogs, and the story’s audience to still believe or at least still *want* to believe the popular dogs are the force for good in the neighborhood the popular dogs hope to be seen as being. Or at least we want the Can you help me solve this? Meaning, help me decide how to walk this line by factoring in what makes people (well, here it’s dogs) want to believe a group of others is a force for good.
Two details I want to include toward the end of this scene with the sheep dog —first: while the scene plays out with the dogs and their English dialogue, as it is with the other scenes throughout the story, i want it that at one point during the interaction between the dogs when things get very heated in their English dialogue, the scene cuts to the human view of the situation which is a bunch of neighborhood dogs just barking at each other and out of control. This can be comical in showing the contrast between the English-speaking that’s strictly a device for enabling the story audience’s understanding of the dogs’ communications, but also it’s a moment in which the dogs are all getting too worked up by what they’re hearing from the sheep dog because of how the sheep dog is “rocking the boat” so to speak, and so the human owners —the family who are sheep dog’s owners— is trying to pull the worked-up sheep dog away from the other dogs using the sheep dog’s leash, but ultimately one of the humans has to pick up the sheep dog and carry him away to put him in the back seat of the family car. So amid all this dog arguing, we cut to the dogs all just barking at one another, the family trying to subdue the sheep dog with a leash, and then a family member carrying the sheep dog off and toward the cat, holding the worked up sheep dog awkwardly because the sheep dog is so wound up, and making it so in the human family member’s arms the sheep is tummy-up— as he is carried away while he barks at the other dogs —his tummy is facing skyward. Second: as the sheep dog is being carried off by one of his owners, meaning, one of the members of the family who owns him and who have even packing up their moving truck and car in the background of the scene, as the sheep dog being carried off to be put in the back of the family car, he’s saying his parting words, whatever those might be (which depends on story decisions that take into account all of the above), and he’s also being carried in such a way that he’s tummy-up and he lets out an arc of pee as he’s ranting and being carried to the car. This is both comical and also it will turn out a little later in the story that in peeing during this comical scene, he’s left a pee message that is key to how the mc’s understanding and perspective will ultimately shift.]
• [our mc straightens it out by going back to the pee message, and all neighborhood dogs involved in the misunderstanding and problem following him back there as he takes a closer sniff— mc sniffs forwards and the words in the pop up word bubble hovering above the pee spot play aloud; mc needs to go backward in the message to hear something again, so sniffs back in the other direction and the message’s words play backwards as he does so— like the way a recording playing in reverse sounds—and forwards and backwards the mc sniffs until he homes in on a specific word or phrase in the pee message other than the pee typo or pee autocorrect that reveals proof in the message as to the fact that the allegedly inflammatory part of the social peedia pee message pee typo or pee autocorrect was indeed just that— a mistake- and that in the mc’s revealing of the message’s intended meaning, it’s clear that there was no need to fight. Mc or dog who left message with pee typo /pee autocorrect that caused misunderstanding fixes it with little extra tinkle.]
• [all the dogs who witness this are visibly impressed, forgetting themselves until they notice that witnessing all this right along with them is a dog from the popular clique comes along—the dog from the popular clique who especially took notice when tour dog and mc passed the popular dogs earlier in their tour and conversation. Then the rest of the neighborhood dogs—the ones not in popular click— remember they shouldn’t show too much approval of any dog who’s not part of the popular clique.]
• [ even though whatever it is the sheep said as he was being carried off isn’t enough to swing the belief entirely of the mc, the non-popular dogs, and the story’s audience, there are indications in things the non-popular dogs say and do that suggest there’s now there just the smallest new seed of doubt among the non-popular dogs. the popular dog that tour dog and mc passed earlier, the one they passed who especially took notice, notices this, and is thoughtfully observing this new development involving the mc’s insight and ability to read pee and poop messages more clearly and clear up the misunderstanding that caused the big commotion]
• mc learns from the tour dog or the tour dog and the other unpopular dogs (whatever makes the most sense) that to get into the popular click, one has to pledge.
• [(but let’s find another term maybe, but something reminiscent of evocative of fraternity pledging but dog-related?). ]
• [“Well when can I pledge? What do you have to do to?” Are the questions our main character (mc) dog is asking.
• [“They decide the time, I’m hoping mine’s next week.” And, “ANYTHING they WANT” is tour dog’s answer to “what do you have to do”]
• [if mc learns this from one or a few available-but-unavailable dogs willing to fill mc in about the need to pledge, whatever they tell him about the pledge process is done to try to score popularity points witht he popular dogs by talking about it in a way that would please the popular dogs, especially if any the popular dogs are within earshot]
II. Pledging
• mc approaches the popular dogs to pledge.
• the popular dogs are in the middle of a heated discussion about the fact that they are the force for good and the strength of their group relies on everyone understand that they are there to protect the neighborhood from the chaos and confusion the unpopular scariest dog sows with his crazy unintelligible pee and poop messages]
• [how exactly are the pee and poop messages of the unpopular dog causing the chaos and confusion, and what exactly are the popular dogs claiming about it—is it just that the accusation is the unpopular scariest dog is deliberately leaving pee and poop message to sow chaos and confusion that somehow pits the dogs against one another.? Or is there something more? And the claim of the popular dogs is that their group of carefully selected dogs is the key to maintaining order and peace throughout the neighborhood.]
• [can we develop something more about why and how—according to the claims of the popular dogs—the most unpopular dog’s sowing chaos with his big confusion of pee and poop message—what does the popular dog clique claim the unpopular dog’s motivation is?
• maybe at first the popular dogs tell him “no room for new dogs in our group” but then the popular dog who especially took notice earlier steps in and says abou mc, “maybe he can help us” and explains how mc can read pee and pop messages better than other dogs, tells them what happened with the commotion situation and how mc resolved it by “reading between the lines” of the pee messages. decides to let the new dog pledge.
The popular dogs tell mc they need proof that there’s evil malicious intent in the pee and poop messages of the unpopular scariest dog, and that mc can join their group if he gets proof.]
The popular dogs point to something about the mixed messages within the pee and poop messages of the unpopular scariest dog in order to impose their own interpretation upon those pee and poop messages, it’s something that allows them to make the unpopular dog the bad guy of the neighborhood and maybe the source of all problems between all other dogs in the neighborhood who aren’t part of the popular dog click. And somehow the way all this shakes out is that all this somehow results in a misplaced belief that the only answer to the problems between all the neighborhood dogs, which all are alleged to all be rooted within the “villainy” of this dog who’s the most unpopular because of the message the popular dogs claim is within the unpopular dog’s huge confusion of pee and poop, is to try and join the popular dogs. But the popular dogs also say their clique is necessarily exclusive, claiming the reason to be that the unpopular dog has poisoned all the other dogs in the neighborhood against one another with his big confusion of poop and pee they say is meant to sow chaos.]
IV. The Pledge Task
• [The mc goes and finds it a scary situation with unpopular scariest dog, but then something among how all this works with the pee and poop messages and the English-speaking, and the sheep dog who comically left ruin while being carried away ranting and raving, and what the truth is about the unpopular scariest dog that maybe reveals his confusion of pee and poop messages everywhere has to do with being scared and needing a friend, there’s some realization and resolution. How does this work, can you help me with this part too? Note that part of what’s revealed here is that no one is friends in the neighborhood because they’re all afraid of being alone because of the popular group dynamic, basically meaning because everyone’s afraid of being alone, everyone ends up alone. So what the mc does, and realizes about the most unpopular scariest dog is that his poop and pee messages mean he’s afraid and needs a friend. And this somehow results in the other dogs of the neighborhood making friends with one another, and revealing the popular dogs don’t actually feel they have real friends either because of the popular dogs’ dynamic that affects the whole neighborhood and themselves too, and the popular dogs end up being friends with everyone also.]